My Chemical Romance: Rock's Modern Heroes -- A Short Story By Me
whitevalum
Jul 21, 2007
How did My Chemical Romance save my life? Well, I'll tell you up
front. They didn't necessarily save my life, but they have definitely
changed it in so many ways, and I am here to tell you about it right
now, if you care to read on of course. If you don't like to read or
don't like MCR for that matter, I suggest that you not read this and
save the extra trouble and grief after this story is finished. But
anyways, let's begin.
Let's rewind a few years: Eighth Grade. After living in a new environment that I was definitely not used to, I finally realized that my life sucked. My school sucked, the town I went to school in sucked, my mom was not on my side, and I hated her boyfriend. It was complete hell, and on top of that, I was super depressed at the same time. Every night I would just lay in my bed and cry because of my problems. I converted into a chronic insomniac that always would automatically wake up five hours after I had gone to bed. During these "awakenings", I would often do things that would relieve me of my depression without cutting or self-mutilation. I would always write poetry/stories based on what I was feeling at the time of my depression. I would write about my pessimistic thoughts that I would end up being nothing and having nothing to live for. Not only did this poetry come up in my home life, but in my school life as well.
My school life in eighth grade was pure hell. It was probably second worst next to my home life. Not only did I have no social life, but there were rumours being spread about my sexuality by people calling me a lesbian. There were definitely some visits to the principal's office, but I have to admit that it helped me a lot. The girls that were starting the rumors eventually apologized and we went on with our normal lives, until I started to have a crush on this guy named Zachary*.
The crush on Zachary was partially truth and partially a way that I could prove myself of my true sexuality/identity. I was getting really worked up about this guy, to a point where every night, my poetry writing that was usually depressing would consist of something to do with him. It was crazy, and I was closer to him than ever before. He was in my guitar class and we talked a little bit, but not a lot to be considered real "friends", but acquaintances to say the least.
One day out of the blue, I finally felt a beam of light surrounding me and I felt like I had more confidence in the world to ask Zachary out. I took awhile to think about what I was getting myself into, but this thought consumed me. Every night I would write serenades and epic poems about Zachary, our life together as a couple, and what I would do if he said yes.
Finally the day came. It was first period guitar class, and I was determined to ask him out. Just as the bell rang, he and I walked out at the exact same moment. I got really, really scared and I missed him because he had walked the opposite direction that I was walking. Not thinking that I would get another go at it, Caitlin*, a girl in my class who was excited about me asking out Zachary and who had obviously had some experience with guys, ran over to his friend Adam* and asked if he could have Vaughn come over to where I was. He did and then the question blurted out of my mouth almost instantly.
"Will you go out with me?" I said. I wanted to get this off my chest. Palms sweating, heart pounding inside of me.
He thought about it for a few seconds, and after about ten seconds smiling at me, looking at the floor, and alternating between the two, he finally came to a conclusion.
"Sure!" he said with a smile on his face. He turned around and walked away. I at that point didn't know what to think. It was like all of my wildest dreams had turned into a reality at my very eyes.
We casually talked over a one day period, and then the weekend came, and after the weeked he approached me. He took me aside and told me that I was too young for him and that he just wanted to be friends. I said okay and then left it at that. I walked out of his way almost instantly to my peers laughing and taunting me about the harsh encounter I had had with him just seconds before.
I just kept on wallowing in self-pity and self-blame for the next several months, to the point where I didn't want to do anything with anyone. I felt as if I would hurt someone's feelings. I was afraid to go back to school because I felt like everyone was going to tease me about my encounter with Zachary.
Winter soon came, and I felt like shit. Everything was blowing up right in my face. All my dreams had been shattered and everything that I thought I was going to be was taken over by predetermined thoughts and ideas from my mom's boyfriend, and I didn't like it. I felt like a worthless slob, and I didn't know what I was going to do with my life because of it.
Winter soon turned into spring, and I was running out of options, but there was still one availible: a trip to Calgary that would change my life FOREVER.
We were in Calgary for my mom's boyfriend's snowcat operating classes, which he goes to annually. My mom and I decided to spend some quality time together, so we decided to go shopping at the Chinook Centre. It was probably one of the biggest malls that I had seen in my entire life. What was I hunting for in this big mall, you ask? Well, my first stop was HMV. That was and still is my favorite store, because I like to buy my music from there. Anyway, I was searching through the "Punk" section of the store because that was what I was and still am into, and came across the My Chemical Romance section of CDs.
Now I first discovered My Chem when I was in Grand Forks with my dad. I was in our hotel room watching MTV2 when a snippet of their video for "Helena" came on the television screen. I had no clue who this band was, but I liked the song very much. The next day, I looked them up on the internet, which lead me to their website and they had an advertisement for their upcoming DVD Life on the Murder Scene coming out on March 21, 2006.
But back we go to HMV in Calgary where I see Life on the Murder Scene on the very top shelf. I examined the DVD carefuly and told myself that I should get it. I got the DVD, went bakc to the hotel, watched it, and watched it at least two times in a row. There were so many things in there that related to the way that I was feeling at that moment. The way that they were in high school, the way that I wanted to be, and the fact that you have to have something to look forward to. That DVD would become my bible, something to live by, something to watch when I was feeling the shittiest. I became obsessed with MCR, and they became my new idols.
Now last summer, I was down in my room reading MCR articles and going on websites pertaining to them, because that is what I often like to do. I came across an article about their upcoming third album, and from what I heard it was going to be epic. I went on their MySpace page to get more information on what would turn out to be THE BLACK PARADE, and listened to their first single "Welcome to the Black Parade", and it made me weep with great joy.
The lyrics are just so powerful, the lines that struck out to me the most were "on and on we carry through the fears/disappointed faces of your peers/take a look at me, 'cause I could not care at all...". I was going through some hard times at school finding friends, and I felt like everyone had something against me, and just hearing that line just made me feel like I shouldn't care about that stuff, it doesn't matter, I will carry on even though some motherfucker tells me that I am not worth a damn thing.
Probably my most favorite line of that song is "I won't explain or say I'm sorry/I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scar/Give a cheer for all the broken/Listen here, because it's who we are...". The first time I heard that, I automatically felt like a part of The Black Parade. That line just has so much meaning to what TBP represents in my life, that it's okay to have imperfections, and you shouldn't be guilty of it all because imperfections show who YOU really are. I totally realized that when I listened to that song, and WTTBP is now my official theme song/song that helps me get through the day. If I don't listen to it, then my day is never complete... Seriously!
So, how did My Chemical Romance save my life? Well, I'll tell you up front, this band has made me realize who I really am as a person, and the fact that I should still respect that person even though someone else might not. They have given me a reason to live, and have inspired me to find that one thing that means a lot to me, hold onto it, and never let go until I have accomplished all that I want to with it. That one thing is music journalism, and I will work tirelessly, just like MCR has with their music, to get there, even if it means taking a few risks and hitting a few speed bumps along the way. Just so many great things have happened since I started listening to them. I recently got to see them in concert on the 16th of May, which was very exciting and I cried during the whole entire set. My Chem has also given me a reason why this day is so special to my heart. Not only is this International My Chemical Romance Day, but it is also another day that I can say that I have lived without depression or sorrow striking at me like bullets tearing through my insides.
Thank you My Chemical Romance, you have done more for me than you will ever know, and I don't know how you are not worth celebrating.
*Real names have been replaced for privacy
Let's rewind a few years: Eighth Grade. After living in a new environment that I was definitely not used to, I finally realized that my life sucked. My school sucked, the town I went to school in sucked, my mom was not on my side, and I hated her boyfriend. It was complete hell, and on top of that, I was super depressed at the same time. Every night I would just lay in my bed and cry because of my problems. I converted into a chronic insomniac that always would automatically wake up five hours after I had gone to bed. During these "awakenings", I would often do things that would relieve me of my depression without cutting or self-mutilation. I would always write poetry/stories based on what I was feeling at the time of my depression. I would write about my pessimistic thoughts that I would end up being nothing and having nothing to live for. Not only did this poetry come up in my home life, but in my school life as well.
My school life in eighth grade was pure hell. It was probably second worst next to my home life. Not only did I have no social life, but there were rumours being spread about my sexuality by people calling me a lesbian. There were definitely some visits to the principal's office, but I have to admit that it helped me a lot. The girls that were starting the rumors eventually apologized and we went on with our normal lives, until I started to have a crush on this guy named Zachary*.
The crush on Zachary was partially truth and partially a way that I could prove myself of my true sexuality/identity. I was getting really worked up about this guy, to a point where every night, my poetry writing that was usually depressing would consist of something to do with him. It was crazy, and I was closer to him than ever before. He was in my guitar class and we talked a little bit, but not a lot to be considered real "friends", but acquaintances to say the least.
One day out of the blue, I finally felt a beam of light surrounding me and I felt like I had more confidence in the world to ask Zachary out. I took awhile to think about what I was getting myself into, but this thought consumed me. Every night I would write serenades and epic poems about Zachary, our life together as a couple, and what I would do if he said yes.
Finally the day came. It was first period guitar class, and I was determined to ask him out. Just as the bell rang, he and I walked out at the exact same moment. I got really, really scared and I missed him because he had walked the opposite direction that I was walking. Not thinking that I would get another go at it, Caitlin*, a girl in my class who was excited about me asking out Zachary and who had obviously had some experience with guys, ran over to his friend Adam* and asked if he could have Vaughn come over to where I was. He did and then the question blurted out of my mouth almost instantly.
"Will you go out with me?" I said. I wanted to get this off my chest. Palms sweating, heart pounding inside of me.
He thought about it for a few seconds, and after about ten seconds smiling at me, looking at the floor, and alternating between the two, he finally came to a conclusion.
"Sure!" he said with a smile on his face. He turned around and walked away. I at that point didn't know what to think. It was like all of my wildest dreams had turned into a reality at my very eyes.
We casually talked over a one day period, and then the weekend came, and after the weeked he approached me. He took me aside and told me that I was too young for him and that he just wanted to be friends. I said okay and then left it at that. I walked out of his way almost instantly to my peers laughing and taunting me about the harsh encounter I had had with him just seconds before.
I just kept on wallowing in self-pity and self-blame for the next several months, to the point where I didn't want to do anything with anyone. I felt as if I would hurt someone's feelings. I was afraid to go back to school because I felt like everyone was going to tease me about my encounter with Zachary.
Winter soon came, and I felt like shit. Everything was blowing up right in my face. All my dreams had been shattered and everything that I thought I was going to be was taken over by predetermined thoughts and ideas from my mom's boyfriend, and I didn't like it. I felt like a worthless slob, and I didn't know what I was going to do with my life because of it.
Winter soon turned into spring, and I was running out of options, but there was still one availible: a trip to Calgary that would change my life FOREVER.
We were in Calgary for my mom's boyfriend's snowcat operating classes, which he goes to annually. My mom and I decided to spend some quality time together, so we decided to go shopping at the Chinook Centre. It was probably one of the biggest malls that I had seen in my entire life. What was I hunting for in this big mall, you ask? Well, my first stop was HMV. That was and still is my favorite store, because I like to buy my music from there. Anyway, I was searching through the "Punk" section of the store because that was what I was and still am into, and came across the My Chemical Romance section of CDs.
Now I first discovered My Chem when I was in Grand Forks with my dad. I was in our hotel room watching MTV2 when a snippet of their video for "Helena" came on the television screen. I had no clue who this band was, but I liked the song very much. The next day, I looked them up on the internet, which lead me to their website and they had an advertisement for their upcoming DVD Life on the Murder Scene coming out on March 21, 2006.
But back we go to HMV in Calgary where I see Life on the Murder Scene on the very top shelf. I examined the DVD carefuly and told myself that I should get it. I got the DVD, went bakc to the hotel, watched it, and watched it at least two times in a row. There were so many things in there that related to the way that I was feeling at that moment. The way that they were in high school, the way that I wanted to be, and the fact that you have to have something to look forward to. That DVD would become my bible, something to live by, something to watch when I was feeling the shittiest. I became obsessed with MCR, and they became my new idols.
Now last summer, I was down in my room reading MCR articles and going on websites pertaining to them, because that is what I often like to do. I came across an article about their upcoming third album, and from what I heard it was going to be epic. I went on their MySpace page to get more information on what would turn out to be THE BLACK PARADE, and listened to their first single "Welcome to the Black Parade", and it made me weep with great joy.
The lyrics are just so powerful, the lines that struck out to me the most were "on and on we carry through the fears/disappointed faces of your peers/take a look at me, 'cause I could not care at all...". I was going through some hard times at school finding friends, and I felt like everyone had something against me, and just hearing that line just made me feel like I shouldn't care about that stuff, it doesn't matter, I will carry on even though some motherfucker tells me that I am not worth a damn thing.
Probably my most favorite line of that song is "I won't explain or say I'm sorry/I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scar/Give a cheer for all the broken/Listen here, because it's who we are...". The first time I heard that, I automatically felt like a part of The Black Parade. That line just has so much meaning to what TBP represents in my life, that it's okay to have imperfections, and you shouldn't be guilty of it all because imperfections show who YOU really are. I totally realized that when I listened to that song, and WTTBP is now my official theme song/song that helps me get through the day. If I don't listen to it, then my day is never complete... Seriously!
So, how did My Chemical Romance save my life? Well, I'll tell you up front, this band has made me realize who I really am as a person, and the fact that I should still respect that person even though someone else might not. They have given me a reason to live, and have inspired me to find that one thing that means a lot to me, hold onto it, and never let go until I have accomplished all that I want to with it. That one thing is music journalism, and I will work tirelessly, just like MCR has with their music, to get there, even if it means taking a few risks and hitting a few speed bumps along the way. Just so many great things have happened since I started listening to them. I recently got to see them in concert on the 16th of May, which was very exciting and I cried during the whole entire set. My Chem has also given me a reason why this day is so special to my heart. Not only is this International My Chemical Romance Day, but it is also another day that I can say that I have lived without depression or sorrow striking at me like bullets tearing through my insides.
Thank you My Chemical Romance, you have done more for me than you will ever know, and I don't know how you are not worth celebrating.
*Real names have been replaced for privacy
